Rehnaa Tu... Hai Jaisaa Tu...

No Promises to be made this time about being regular... Everytime I make one... I end up breaking it and I hate myself for that...

Anyway... Life has been a roller coaster ride in these past few months... So many things have happened... Things I had not anticipated at all.. Found people who I had never even dreamt of meeting again in life... Found some people who have become an inseparable part of my life in a really short span of time... mended some broken relationships... and lost few beautiful relationships... Seems ! Its time I should start learning the ways of life... It really is highly unpredictible... Still ! I have no complains.. Each day has introduced me to a new face of life... Each day has given me a new ray of hope and each day has taken from me, one reason to smile... At the end of it... life still is beautiful and worth living, for amidst these changes.. are few contants in my life... I call them my Family, my Friends and my Freedom... These 3 F's defined me... defines me and will define me forever... These 3 F's will continue to be the constants in my life... giving me the strength to love more and live more...

I have been learning... I feel I have been a good learner so far... but sometimes I get scared... Will all these learnings change me as a person ? I am not sure if I want to change myself... People who have accepted me for who I am... have stood by me forever... They love me more for who I am today... for who I have been all these years... So do I really need to change ? These questions have been haunting me for long... I sometimes just want to clear my head of all these thoghts and run away... Run away to a land where life is perfect... and then I find myself wondering... What is PERFECTION ? Does PERFECTION really exist ? If it does... why don't I experience it at all ?

I make promises... I break them... a guilt feeling engulfs me and I find myself helpless... so weird it is... I often dream, I am drowning... despite knowing swimming really well... I just can't move at all... I feel breathless and I see myself drowning... The dream never ends.. I don't know, if at the end of it I survive or I become a part of that vast water body... Strange part is that I love water... My knowns often tell me I swim like a fish.. as if I were meant to stay in water... I myself have no control on me when I see water... I have always been in love with water... Be it the calmness of the beach or the roars of the waterfall... I just have always loved water... It seems to me, the most beautiful creation of God... Then why do I see myself fighting water... ???? Is it that I'll die fighting the ones I love ? I don't want that... I really don't want that...

I am an Aquarian.. The Water Bearer.. A Known had once said something about me, which I will never forget in life... I think he had pretty much defined me in those few words... he simply said..."Nidhi is like flowing water... Place anything in front of her... She will peacefully flow and take the same shape... She will just be what you want her to be... But try and stop her flow... and see how the calm water suddenly would roar and break all the boundaries..." I was speechless when I was told that... But when I thought peacefully... I just wondered... yes pretty true it was... pretty true it is... Nothing can stop water... You can kill fire by water.. but you can never kill water itself... When at peace... water will be your life... but when you try to forcefully stop its flow.. It can ruin everything around... A part of me relates to this analogy completely... infact a major part of me... but that left alone small part of me gets scared sometimes.. of myself... Will I end up hurting my loved ones... ?

I have no clue what am I writing and why am I writing all this... I just felt like writing thoughts that are haunting me right now.. and I came to you my blog.. you ve been abandoned by me for a long time.. you still accept me like this... why cant people in my life be the same... Why can't I be accepted for who I am... for what I am...

All I want is to be taken for who I really am... what I truly am... Good or Bad... I belong to my Family and my Friends.. I was a part of you, I am a part of you and I want to be a part of you forever and always...

And yeah... Thanks Dost ( I Hope you read it ) ! for dedicating the song to me last night :) May be you did it just like that :) but after a long time, I felt the peace I have been looking for from a very long time... :)

Here comes the song , that have rekindled in me a ray of hope :)

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Thodaa Saa Dard Tu.. Thodaa Sukoon..

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Dheemaa Dheemaa Jhonkaa.. Yaa Fir Junoon...

Thodaa Saa Resham Tu Humdum... Thodaa Saa Khurduraa..

Kabhi To Ad Jaaye.. Yaa Lad Jaaye.. Yaa Khushboo Se Bharaa...

Tujhe Badalnaa Naa Chaahu.. Ratti Bhar Bhi Sanam..

Binaa Sajaawat.. Milaawat.. Naa Jyaadaa.. Naa Hi Kum...

Tujhe Chaahu.. Jaisaa Hai Tu..

Mujhe Teri Baarish Mein... Bheeganaa Hai.. Ghul Jaanaa Hai..

Tujhe Chaahu.. Jaisaa Hai Tu..

Mujhe Teri Lapat Mein... Jalnaa Raakh Ho Jaanaa Hai..

Tu Zakhm De Agar... Malham Bhi Aakar Tu Lagaaye..

Zakhm Mein Bhi Mujhko.. Pyaar Aaye..

Dariyaa.. O Dariyaa..

Doobane De Mujhe Dariyaa..

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Thodaa Saa Dard Tu.. Thodaa Sukoon..

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Dheemaa Dheemaa Jhonkaa.. Yaa Fir Junoon...

Haath Thaam.. Chlanaa Ho To..

To Dono Ke.. Daayein Haath.. Sang Kaise..

Ek Daayaa Hogaa.. Ek Baayaa Hogaa..

Thaam Le.. Haath Ye Thaam Le..

Chalanaa Hai Sang.. Thaam Le..

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Thodaa Saa Dard Tu.. Thodaa Sukoon..

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Dheemaa Dheemaa Jhonkaa.. Yaa Fir Junoon...

Thodaa Saa Resham Tu Humdum... Thodaa Saa Khurduraa..

Kabhi To Ad Jaaye.. Yaa Lad Jaaye.. Yaa Khushboo Se Bharaa...

Tujhe Badalnaa Naa Chaahu.. Ratti Bhar Bhi Sanam..

Binaa Sajaawat.. Milaawat.. Naa Jyaadaa.. Naa Hi Kum...

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Thodaa Saa Dard Tu.. Thodaa Sukoon..

Rehnaa Tu.. Hai Jaisaa Tu..

Dheemaa Dheemaa Jhonkaa.. Yaa Fir Junoon...

Am finally... at peace... atleast... for now :)